A spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions...

I received the following poem

out of the clear blue

from a friend I have not seen

in over five years.

It's amazing what people remember of your life,

and even more amazing to find out

you impacted them enough

for them to want to reach out to you.

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Disclaimer: This is the most graphic thing I have ever written. And it's really not that far. I hope you aren't offended or hurt. You've been on my mind, and I haven't been able to sleep...I think you'll understand why when you read.

A spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions...

For Brooke

You remember, don't you?
The strong metallic smell,
Your feet achingly cold on the porcelain bathroom tile,
The urge to retch when you were empty--
Heart, spirit, womb.
You remember thinking that if you pressed your thighs together tight enough
You could keep the life from seeping out.
You couldn't.
Watching blue digital numbers change effortlessly,
Tear ducts bereft of nourishing liquid,
You lay there until exhaustion came and tucked you neatly into bed
Like it would all be okay tomorrow.
It wasn't.
You remember, don't you? I know I won't forget.

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This poem of hers is beyond beautiful.

There is no way in the world I could be offended.

Hurt? Yes.

But it is a painful piece.

Did it stir emotions?

Yes.

Good poetry DOES that.

I had absolutely no idea
I influenced this girl
(now a woman)

in any way, let alone so much,

that would compel her
to recall

my own bloody trials ...

that would compel her
to reach out to me

amidst her own. 

She has my most heartfelt

prayers.

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How Supper is Done 'Round Here

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Gathering wood for the fire.

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With six huge pecan trees

on our lot ...

THAT is not a problem.

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The MEAT of the matter.

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Making Bread.

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Chopping cucumbers.

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Boiling potatoes in salty water

with a whole stick of REAL butter.

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Making the cool, fresh cucumber salad ...

that's dill, not pepper,

sprinkled atop that collection of goodness.

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Boiled the potatoes down

into its own thick juices.

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Come on, Baby, light my fire ... it's time.

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Farting the star ...

or, if you prefer, starting the far.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time to get excited.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bread's ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fire's ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Supper's ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The juicy and tender result

of three minutes

each side

upon direct flame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bon Appetit!

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Our Journey With ... The Show

Exactly one year ago, today, I began

corresponding with a production company

by sending in their arduous questionaire

as the requirement to clear the hurdle

of their "second screening" phase.

I had responded to a production teaser

(aka the first hurdle/screening)

that they had released 

for a certain kind of reality show.

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Here is that teaser:

"Are you trading in your cul-de-sac for a cabin? Or tossing the kids' toys as you plan to downsize from a McMansion to a farmhouse? A prominent television production company is developing a series to profile a family opting to trade in their status quo lifestyle for something more adventurous and environmentally sound. The story of a family on the verge of a decision that doesn't seem logical to many, but is nonetheless in line with their own convictions."

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And here was my initial response to that teaser:

 

We are inheriting 80 acres of raw land (no electricity/no shelter/no water) in the rolling hills of Oklahoma's National Grasslands ... it was the original family homestead, and no one has lived on the land in over 50 years.

We are already wanting to make an unconventional move, and everyone close to us thinks we are deranged.

We plan on selling our mortgaged home (in a central location of Abilene, Texas) and moving out into the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma ... moving away from being right smack-dab in the middle of a city to being 30+  miles from the closest grocery store.

We dream of building our home by hand, with NO mortgage, and implementing earthen plasters along with other natural/old-fashioned construction modalities. We also plan on gardening and raising livestock for food.

Nothing in our past experience has prepared us for this radical lifestyle change ... we are born and raised as instant gratification-seeking, spoiled citizens ... and, so, we are relying solely upon determination and disgust to propel us forward with our revolutionary dreams.

We have already begun downsizing, and are shifting our focus toward Voluntary Simplicity, and this mindset is foreign to everyone around us but we are wanting to proceed for many reasons.

Please send me the questionaire so we can be screened as potential participants, and please send me more information detailing your production's hypothesis (assuming this is a new endeavor.)

Thank you,

B-Crow 

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----- Forwarded Message ----

From: XXXXXXX
To: ~mc~
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 10:08:51 AM
Subject: Re: Trading in Status Quo Lifestyle for Voluntary Simplicity

Hi Brooke,

Thank you so much for responding to our posting. I must say, your email was exactly what I was hoping we'd receive.

I am with two production companies that joined forces a few years back: Marc Summers Productions and Shooters Post & Transfer.

You might recognize Marc Summers' name; he hosted the Nickelodeon series "Double Dare" throughout the 1980s and 90s, and now hosts Food Network's "Unwrapped."

Shooters Post & Transfer is a long-standing post-production facility currently working on a number of feature films (http://www.shootersinc.com/).

Together, the two companies developed and produce the hit Food Network series, "Dinner: Impossible," and have a second series that will premiere in 2010.

Our development department is currently working on a few new show concepts that are in various stages, and that we hope to pitch to networks in the near future. One of these is about a family opting to leave status quo living in favor of something different and new. 

We're looking for a few families who fit the bill and who we can ultimately use as examples when we pitch the series to the network.

You've already told me a good bit about yourselves. Could you also answer the following questions within the attachment, and return them to me with a photo of your family? At that point, we'll set up a phone call if our interest grows.

Thanks so much, Brooke. I'm excited about the possibility of this being a good fit!

XXXXXXX  XXXXXX
Producer, Marc Summers Productions/Shooters Post & Transfer

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Our Journey With The Show

will be continued .....

Stay Tuned.

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Warm and Hearty TEXAS Welcome ... and a surprise!

So, as I am sure you've heard, we had a special visitor yesterday.

I don't have much of a comment about that,

but would love to leave with you

a few snapshots
from beautiful Austin, Texas.

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Yesterday was special for another reason, too.

My oldest miracle, and her precious boyfriend, celebrated

their two-year dating anniversary.

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And THIS is what I got!

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My Beautiful, Cheap, and Simple House Plan

If our dreams/goals ever happen,

and we get to move onto THE LAND ...

we will build two simple 26x26 open-floor plan buildings

with a 26x26 screened patio between them.

The two buildings would open up to the patio

which would be the outdoor dining and kitchen.

We will build with strawbale, and seal with earthen plaster ...

place bales in the attic space, for further insulative values,

and cover with a shed metal roof for rain catchment.

Very beautiful, and very cheap.

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By the way, I placed this entry on my website

but the drawings are small.

I know here on Blogger we can click on the pictures

to see a clearer/larger version of the image.

Sorry, these drawing are NOT by scale ...
just having fun sketching my dreams on screen ...
not real proficient with Paint, yet.

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Okay, STEP ONE:

Build a simple 26x26 strawbale building ...

load-bearing ...

seal with earthen plaster, or papercrete,

or regular plaster or a creative mixture of all ...

the point is to let the walls breathe.

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STEP TWO:

Acquire rain catchment containers or tanks,

and build a strawbale wall to conceal them and protect them.

In our case, I am thinking two, large above-ground swimming pools.

Those hold a lot of water! And they are cheap!

The shed roof can drain straight into them,

and covers are made for them to help keep junk out.

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STEP THREE:

Build the second 26x26 building for sleeping quarters.

The idea is to have a six-foot wide hallway

with floor-to-ceiling shelving, and four 10x10 bedrooms in each corner.

Each bedroom will have a 3x10 closet for personal storage.

There will also be a 6x7-ish storage space at the end of the hallway.

Notice how the rooms will be set up ...
with the six foot hallway, and the three-foot wide closets,
every bedroom will be buffered from noise
from the other rooms.

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STEP FOUR:

Add rain catchment to the sleeping quarters,

and build a strawbale wall for concealment and protection.

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STEP FIVE:

Build a short strawbale wall between the two buildings,

and roof it, and enclose it in with screen.

This 26x26 area will be an outdoor dining/kitchen and living area ...

complete with chairs, couch, large tables, rocket stoves, and whatnot.

I am entertaining the idea of having a root/storm cellar

placed in the middle of this area for easy access

from both buildings

in the event of a storm ... or whatever.

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STEP SIX:

Build a wooden fence

(preferably with branches from fallen trees on our property)

to enclose the garden straight off the indoor kitchen area.

This enclosed area will also house the little quail coops.

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STEP SEVEN:

Build another wooden fence off the indoor bathroom 

to enclose the OUTDOOR bathing/shower area. 

I'magine I will also hang clothes out here,

and also have container gardens spotted here and there.

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STEP EIGHT:

Build another wooden fence to enclose a privacy area

off one side of the bedroom building.

This area will have container gardens, and lounge areas.

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STEP NINE:

Build another wooden fence to enclose the other side

of the bedroom building ... for a private lounge area.

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STEP TEN:

THE BIG PICTURE ... THE FINAL DREAM

Add flower gardens, and tanks for tilapia,

and all the rest of the little things

that will pull everything together to make

it a homestead!

What you don't see in these pics

are the chicken coops, and compost bins,

and fruit trees, and solar dehydrators, and solar ovens,

and everything else that is in my head.

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That's it.

Real simple.

And I think it would be beautiful, too.

I know it would be cheap.

I've already found a wholesale strawbale supplier ...

I just went to a feed store

and asked where they got their bales from.

I can get 800 bales delivered for about $4200 ...

and that is more than enough

to erect two buildings, and add bales

to the space above the ceiling.

Why do I want to build with straw?

Well, first off, it is something I can do by myself ...

if I HAVE to.

Just stack them like Legos.

Plus it's natural, and it's sustainable.

And ... with two feet thick walls ...

not counting the layers of thickness

added from the plaster on both sides ...

Goodness!

I think of heating/cooling benefits,

pleasing-to-the-eyes benefits, 

sound benefits, storm benefits, and 

wildfire protection benefits.

Why wouldn't I want to build with straw?

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P.S. Little Nani lost ANOTHER tooth today.
That's three in a week.
She lost the other top one.
She is only four, and that is now a total
of five teeth lost since she was three years old.
She not even eligible to start Kindergarten
until 2011 ... eek!

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Redeeming Myself

Yesterday, well, yesterday for me ... meaning Thursday ... I had several errands to run, along with appointments to get our hair done:  Laura and Nani's haircut, and mine too.

But after Laura got seated and draped in the chair I realized I left my checkbook at home.  So I left Laura at the beauty shop, and rushed back home to get it, and then I left Nani in the car while I ran to fetch it real quick.  I left the car running in the driveway because it was so hot, and I was in a hurry.  So I ran to the front door ... and, duh, I didn't have the keys. 

BUT the car automatically locks, if the car is running, after a door opens and closes. 

Soooooo ... Nani is locked in the car.  She was strapped into her carseat and couldn't get out to save herself.  None of our neighbors were home. My purse was in the front seat, so I couldn't get to my phone to call anybody for help and I was locked out of the house as well.

It was over 103 degrees, and I could see her little face getting redder and redder from her own little struggle and from the fact that the glaring sun was hitting the car full force.  The heat vapor surrounding the running car was accumulating, and it made it very difficult to stand near the car for long amounts of time. 

I admit, I began to cry ... and after 20 minutes of pleading and prodding Nani to try to do something she was just too little and too weak to do, which is to unlatch herself, I began searching for a brick or a rock or anything strong enough to whack the window to get to her ... running back and forth to the car to encourage and soothe her.   

It was a scary situation, and as the minutes ticked by, I was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.

A man must have seen the spectacle from the main road, and whipped his truck around to see what was going on ... and he saved my baby girl after many attempts and much struggle ... going back and forth to get yet another some kind of tool ... I was pacing so much I could barely pay attention.  He was calm.  And he just kept telling me that he promised he'd get her back to me.

YES, he got tearful hugs of joy from both of us!

There is not a worse feeling in the world, for a mother, I don't think, when something stands between you and your child ... when you want your child, and you cannot get to your child  ... when your child NEEDS you, and you are helpless.
 
Yesterday ... well, yesterday for me ...  had 40+ minutes of pure torture. 

By the time, we calmed down and got our faces dabbed with cold washcloths ... and, oh, yeah, got the dadgum checkbook ... there were twelve missed calls from Laura, and Nani and I missed our chance to sit in the chair to get our special beauty treatment.

I could tell Nani was disappointed ... or felt something she didn't know the meaning of ... with me.  I had lost the "hero status" in her eyes.  Maybe she realized for the first time in her little life that Mama isn't so perfect after all.  Or the smartest mom in the world, nor the strongest.

Sad day.

 

I paid for Laura's hair, and pre-paid for mine and Nani's rescheduled appointment, and came home too exhausted to finish the rest of my errands ... let alone cook ... so we treated ourselves to our favorite chinese restaurant.

When we got back from that, while walking up to the front door, Nani saw two Bluejay fledglings that had fallen out of their nest.  She has very keen senses for this sort of thing.  Nani was troubled for their plight, and I knew I had to do something for the cats in the neighborhood would kill them during the night. 

So I gathered them up, one by one, into my hands ... with their angry parents screeching and swooping down to berate me ... and I took them inside to care for them.

Nani's eyes shown bright with love for me again ... and, for now, she loves her little rescued birdies .... and as soon as they are strong, she knows we will set them free ... as we have done for all the others we've saved.

Anyway ... the moral of this story.

Everytime I went outside today, well, today for me ... meaning Friday ... the parents continued to attack and screech and swoop me.  They even poop-splatted me on my back when I bent over to pick up the newspaper!

Goodness, Bluejays are brave! Vicious!

Something was between them and their helpless babies ... and they were furious!  Irrational.  Panic-stricken. Scared.

I smiled because I understood.

And I just kept calmly telling them that I PROMISED I'd get their babies back to them soon.

Nani the Snaggle-Tooth

My little four year old has lost two teeth

within the past two days.

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If you think that is a little young, she lost her first tooth 

when she was three years old.

Here she is, at three,  

the night before she lost her first tooth.

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And here she is the next morning ... she was mortified ...

and she kept saying "My mouth is broke."

Can you say AaaWww ...... aw, poor baby :(

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I am glad she is handling it better

this time around ... heehee :)

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How Is Your Faith

Are you fearful?  Do you worry?  Do you have faith, but also sometimes doubt?  Do you want to trust that you will be provided for ... but then hesitate and wonder, at the same time, that you might not be? 

A lot of us are like that. We believe, or perhaps we want to believe, but unbelief is never really far away ... it lurks in the form of anxiety. 

And although "anxious faith" is a long way from outright unbelief, it isn't outright faith either.

So this begs the question:  Is faith a choice that we can make?

On one occasion, two blind men came to Jesus begging to be healed. 

Jesus asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" ... They said, "Yes, Lord." 

Jesus reached out and touched their eyes saying, "According to your faith, be it unto you."

The entire issue hung on one question, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" 

Jesus knew that he could do it ... so it was not a question of what He believed, but a question of what THEY believed. 

What would have happened if they had not believed? 

On another occasion, a man fell at Jesus' feet and cried ...  "Lord, have mercy on my son.  I brought him to your disciples, but they could not cure him."

Jesus response was acrid, "O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you?" 

The disciples knew the rebuke was for them, and came to ask, "Why could not we cast  the demon out?" 

Jesus replied, "Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Most of us are far less interested in moving mountains than we are in avoiding death, being shielded from disasters, dodging diseases, getting rid of pain, having food on the table during hard times, and so forth ... but  what Jesus is saying here is that faith, even in the smallest degree, can accomplish great things.

(By the way, in Mark's account of the above illustration, Jesus told the man, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes."  And the poor man replied: "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!")

I can't help wondering if one of the reasons we have so little faith is because maybe we are afraid to believe ...?

It is a little scary to think about how wonderful life could be if only our prayers were answered ... scary because, after all, our prayers might not be answered.

But ... so what!? 

Why let the possibility that God might not answer keep us from believing that He will!?

God demands of us this:  TRUST.

He wants us to believe what He says, and to trust Him to keep His word, and to do what He tells us to do. 

Faith ... TRUST ... is a choice well within our grasp, and we cannot come to God without it.

"Without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He will reward them that diligently seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6)

But how does faith come?

"So, then, faith comes by hearing; and hearing comes by the Word of God." (Romans 10:17)

Faith is built brick by brick ... by asking God to open our minds while studying His word ... our problem is that we spend more time being anxious (tearing it down) than in building it up.

In the belief system of many Christians there is an assumption that "whatever will be; will be" and that it doesn't make any difference what we do about it ... it is out of our hands ... for we are not in control. 

But I wonder about this.

If faith, or lack of faith, were not in our control why would Jesus say what he did in His sermon on the mount?

"I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on."

Wouldn't it be irrelevant ... pointless, even ... for Jesus to tell us not to be anxious (i.e. to have faith instead) if it were something we had no control over to begin with?

Yet this entire part of the sermon is about anxiety, and Jesus' conclusion of the thought is, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." 

Do you suppose that there might be something to this "power of positive thinking stuff" after all? 

"Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice...Be anxious for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Do we have a choice? Can we really control our thoughts? 

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

It seems we really do have the capacity, the right, and even the responsibility to CHOOSE what we are going to believe ... along with what we are going to DECIDE to think about ... and those choices and those decisions have more to do with faith than we have ever imagined. 

So study His Word ... and trust Him to keep His Word ... and do what He tells you to do.  

THAT is faith ... so, how is yours?

With Love,

Your Faithful Prepper 

(where autonomy and faith collide)

Time to Load Up the Pantry ... Past Time, Actually

Do any of you remember talk of stockpiling food and ammunition as a means of surviving “troublous times” back in the early 1970s amid predictions of famines, globe-girdling wars, and an imminent breakdown of society? 

How about the responding argument that went something like this ... “As for me, I’ll trust in the Lord.”

(?)

I found an article from two years ago in the Wall Street Journal that does not suggest that we Load the Pantry as a response to coming tribulation.

The logic the article laid out was an "economic suggestion" instead.  

The author, Brett Arends, was saying that food prices were rising at a much faster pace than the potential returns on short-term investments.

And though we optimistic Americans were hoping that the recent spikes in food and fuel inflation would soon pass, Arends laid out logic to support a likely acceleration in the trend ... which has turned out to be an accurate assumption.

No, the Wall Street Journal was not suggesting that we hunker in our bunkers with an AK and a six month supply of canned goods because TEOTWAWKI was fast approaching ... they were simply suggesting that non-perishables were cheaper then, at that time, than they will be later.

Later like now ... like, right now.

Do you carry a flashlight in your car?  You do!?  Is it smart to throw in a blanket, sleeping bag, some food, matches and a lighter when you drive over snowy mountains or the desert?  It is!?

Why?  Don't you trust God?   

Ridiculous!  

We have a God-given responsibility to look after the needs of our families and friends, and to help others in need.  

The Bible says a righteous man lays up in store for his children and his children’s children ... that means we should prepare for all kinds of eventualities, and make sure that those who depend on us do not suffer as a result of our carelessness or neglect.  

Whether it’s a road trip, life’s journey in general, or these particularly unsettling times we face ... the principle is intact.

Brace yourselves.  

There are numerous fear-mongers out there who will seize on nearly anything to get people to cough up money, and the unsettling times we are living in give them plenty of opportunity to create panic.  

We’re beginning to hear more and more discussions of the “end of days” and the fulfillment of Bible prophecy now on national radio and national television ... but does this mean it is time to get wild eyed; act in panic or hook up with some pretense of a prophet?  

No!

It means it’s time to fulfill our responsibilities to our families and friends, use our available resources wisely, and above all ... keep our wits about us.  

Is that inconsistent with trust in God?   

Hardly! 

I am reminded of an analogy we've probably all heard, and so here is a shortened version:  There’s a man clinging in the top of tree with floodwaters rising around his ankles.  When a helicopter shows up and lowers the rescue harness, he waves them off and shouts that he’s waiting on God to save him.  

Trusting in God, yes, will be the only way we will be able to endure this deteriorating environment while remaining confident and in good spirits.  

A large stash of food and an AK won’t do it.  

But it’s no time to suspend use of our greatest possession ...  and THAT is the power of sober discernment that resides in the mind God designed and gave each of us.

With Love,

Your Faithful Prepper 

(where autonomy and faith collide)