Saturday, July 24, 2010

Knocking on Heaven's Doors

I've had a dream for several years now.
A dream to live a homesteading, self-sufficent lifestyle ...
a dream to live hard, yes, but simply.

My motivations for wanting to do so
are varied, and another topic entirely ...
a topic that I may (or may not)
get into someday.

I've been planning and researching and studying
this lifestyle for a long while.

I've been blessed with meeting WONDERFUL friends
in the fascinating process.

I've been looking at locations.
I've been knocking on doors.
And, I have been praying ...

God knows my needs, and my family's needs,
much better than I do.

Everytime I try to do something by myself,
it usually ends in disaster ... or in stagnant nothingness.

So I have placed it in His hands.
I have asked Him to show me what to do,
and where to go ... and, I have asked Him
 to help me get my Self out of the way.

The first place I knocked was Big Bend.
The extreme desert in isolated heaven.

This extraordinary place was my personal,
favorite pick for a location
to live and work on my dream.

The doors I knocked upon down there
all opened a crack, some pretty wide,
and I became excited.

But then, one by one, the doors slammed in my face.

Could it possibly be that God
had answered my prayers for help
in getting my Self out of the way?

I may be bold and persistent ...
and I may knock, knock, knock
where others may not ...
but when a door remains closed
I am not one to try to kick it down.
Especially when I have asked for
God's guidance.
So, back to square one, I began looking
at our original location again ...
a location that I had once loved, but
had turned my back upon.

(Yet another potential topic someday?)

And so, a few days ago, 
with trusting eyes and heart,
I began knocking again.

This time up north.

The response was immediate.

I have an interview Monday morning
with Great Plains Regional Medical Center.

I am leaving tomorrow ...
with humble prayers of thankfulness 
for having this swift opportunity, and
with humble prayers of acknowledgement
that if it is His will
it WILL be. 

I would appreciate your prayers
for my family's future, and
for a safe trip.



  1. Isn't it funny that when you finally give it all up to Him and stop trying so hard that you always end up with exactly what you didn't even know you wanted! :)

  2. Yes, Nan, it is ... IT very, very much so IS.

    Reminds me of another phenomenal time THIS happened ... giving up after having six miscarriages, a tubal pregnancy that ruptured, three major abdominal reconstructive surgeries, one ovary and one fallopian tube on opposite sides of each other, a uterus so smothered with scar tissue that it had folded in half upon itself, and the verdict that we would not be able to have any more children.

    I was told it would be physically impossible.

    So ... I gave up, and gave it to God ... and allowed my Self to forget about it, and move forward.

    Imagine my surprise when I found out that my missing periods were not stress-related or signs of peri-menopause, and imagine my surprise when I found out the nausea was not "bugs my older daughters were bringing home" from school ... imagine my surprise when I found out my britches were too tight because I wasn't just eating too much.

    Imagine my surprise when I found out I was already well into my third month of pregnancy and safely past the early miscarriage stage.

    Imagine my surprise of having to spend three months in the hospital ... under constant supervision because my abdominal wall was unzipping like a zipper, and my hips could not support a growing belly ... and imagine my surprise having ultrasounds every other day to check the status of the baby's lungs ... imagine my surprise having a baby born the very moment it was determined she could make it on her own outside of my womb.

    Yes, they took her real early.

    Every baby is a miracle, yes, but this last one of mine most definitely IS ... in every way.

    Imagine my surprise every single time I look at her now ... and imagine why I love to share her often HERE :)

    God is Good ... better than I deserve.

  3. mc, offering up prayers that you do well in your interview and everything turns out just the way you want. Good luck!

  4. Beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL! Bless Your Precious Child.

    Love and light speeding your way for all doors to open that should, and those that shouldn't to close.

  5. : (

    But you'll visit us right??

  6. I love you all ... thank you, girls.

    And, Frann? You are acting like it is already a done deal! I've learned God is full of surprises ... who knows what is in store from this trip? But, YES, if I move North ... of course, I will visit often. My heart is there :)

    Okay, okay, so I am shutting down the computer and heading out the door ... Laura and Nani are going with me, and hopefully we'll take good pictures!!


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