Hello. My name is Brooke, and I am a narcissist.
I am Self-assertive, Self-aware, and Self-confident.
I fight Self-righteousness often. I can be Self-depreciating … when I deem it an honest assessment of my Self, or when it serves to show my sense of humor ... but most of the time I peddle Self-sufficiency, and practice Self-esteem, and praise Self-promotion, and pursue Self-protection all while striving toward Self-correction and Self-discipline.
Yes, I like my Self … no, actually, I love my Self.
I even love my family and friends, and our lives. I enjoy sharing “that love” with others. So I blog, and I participate in online forums, on a regular basis.
I am thankful for the online opportunities, and for the public platforms, to give of my Self in this way. It makes me smile when others acknowledge me, and when others reciprocate the offer of friendship and laughter that I generously extend.
I received an anonymous comment last week that really prompted me to pause for Self-examination.
The anonymous comment confused me, I must admit, and hurt me. I fought the strong urge to be angry. I also fought the strong urge to deny publishing it.
I chose to embrace the persistent urge, instead, to look more closely at my Self.
And what I found during this initial Self-examination was … wow, this anonymous person is right: I must really be narcissistic.
(Just look at all the “I-I-I” and the “my-my-my” and the "Self-Self-Self" in this blog already!)
And to make matters worse, or to confirm the anonymous accusation, or to solidify the initial Self-assessment ... my favorite flower has long been the narcissus … since childhood, through the innocent Self-preference of a daffodil, my own Self-consciousness has known of my true nature.
This anonymous, yet objective, revelation bothered me. It didn’t sit well with my internal, spiritual compass. It made me feel alarmed and ashamed, and wretched. It made me question what and why … what my real motives were for blogging, and why I have recently chosen to try my hand at it.
This anonymous, yet objective, revelation spurred a need for Self-reflection, and a need for some Self-controlled investigation, into the darkest recesses of my repentant soul.
Have I been in ignorant Self-denial of my toxic personality disorder this whole time? THAT is what I was determined to find out.
I became very Self-absorbed, and silent, this past week while researching my anonymous, yet objective, diagnosis.
Did you miss me?
But, I digress … oops, I take that back … my Self-indulgent, and Self-Seeking, SELF digresses.
What I found while searching my Self more thoroughly is … is that this anonymous person was still right.
I can be Self-centered, and Selfish, at times … for I am human, and a fallible creature ... and, so, I really am narcissistic prone.
But I also found out that I am what psychologists, and psycho-analyzers, call a “healthy narcissist.”
I called my counselor friend, Frances ... I was really starting to worry about this ... but, we talked a long while, and I showed her all of the selfish traits I had discovered about my Self that pointed to the Unhealthy (immature/malignant) Narcissism ... but, whew, thank goodness Frances helped me to understand the truth.
I learned that everyone has some Narcissistic traits, or we wouldn’t be human, and it is normal to have certain amounts of Narcissism. It is called human nature, and it is a basic condition that we are all born with.
It is also, I learned, a necessary and healthy characteristic when held in check.
I am a Healthy (benign/mature) Narcissist, first and foremost, because if I wasn't ... you know, if I was the malignant kind instead ... I would not have been hurt by the slight. I wouldn't have been alarmed or concerned, and I wouldn't have doubted my Self, and worried. I wouldn't have prayed for God to search my heart. That, alone, shows I have a healthy sense of Self.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I am creative and flexible and romantic. Although I have fanciful aspirations I am, for the most part, realistic about my abilities, limitations, skills, and temperament … but I am also, alas, a risk-taker. Can’t deny that. I am not afraid to aim for success and to seek out my dreams … and I am a lifelong learner. I am willing to pursue all appropriate avenues (including blogs, connections, contacts, friends, mentors, online forums, websites, you-name-it) that are available for me to achieve my personal goals.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I sometimes use embellishments and exaggerations in my writings to try to increase the entertainment aspects of it ... I will intentionally strive to make my words more interesting and pleasurable, and I sometimes say arrogant/haughty things for shock-value. People who know me can see through the grandiosity, and know it is used as a writing style/tool ... actually, you don't have to know me to see that.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I like to blog, and I don't mind putting my Self out there. Not everyone is cut out to be a blogger. It takes a special personality. And, like I said, it makes me smile when others acknowledge me, and my efforts, or I wouldn't bother to do it at all. None of us would. But I do not NEED the acknowledgements, and I do not REQUIRE admiration, for Self-fullfillment. My Self-worth does not depend upon it. That is the difference. I write because I love it, and I love to share “that love” with others. And this motivation is benign, and healthy.
My fellow narcissistic bloggers can relax now.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I have learned from past mistakes, and I take care to honor appropriate boundaries, preserve my pre-determined degree of privacy, refuse to cross certain lines, set limits for my own Self-respect, and I strive to use appropriate adult behaviors and communications … unless I am, ahem, writing satirical-laced pieces.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I am determined. I am willing to pick myself up and start over, again and again, after I fail. Which is very often. But I try not to project my failures, faults, flaws, insecurities, mistakes, shortcomings, sins, weaknesses … my ugly WHATEVERS … upon others. I do not think I am immune to the consequences of my negative attitudes and behaviors, and I take responsibility for my actions, and I do not seek excuses or scapegoats to try to make me feel better about my Self.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I know there is a balance between giving and taking. I strive to make sure I am not manipulative, and I fight the natural tendency when I feel it rising. I have just the right amount of Self-centeredness to get some of my own needs met without forsaking the needs of others.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I have unparalleled Self-esteem … knowing that I have a God-Given right to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness; and comfort; and success … and this unparalleled Self-esteem fuels my ambition and purpose, tempers my natural tendency toward exhibitionism, and whets my continuous desire to reach out to others.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I have Self-love … which is an important prerequisite for the experience and expression of real, agape love … and this is a balanced love of my Self, coupled with a stable sense of my own Self-worth, that graciously gives me the ability to empathize and, indeed, to fully love others. And, because of this, I have the ability to have open, loving, reciprocal relationships online, AND, in real life.
I am a Healthy Narcissist because I am not predatory … nor do I harass and stalk people. I am not envious, paranoid, spiteful, vicious or vindictive. I do not seek to confuse, destroy, embarrass, hurt, punish, or torment the source of my (real or imagined) frustration, inadequacy, jealousy and/or pain.
And, finally, I am a Healthy Narcissist because I am not a coward. I put my name on everything I write ... every thing .... but I would especially want my beloved name assigned to, and associated with, a slap-down.
Hello. My name is Brooke. And I am a narcissist. And, yes, Frances approves of this brilliant message.
Now about that "bitch" part............do we REALLY want to go there?